Soft drinks should be sold at school
In my opinion, I strongly believe that soft drinks shouldn"t be sold at schools, because
soft drinks damage our behaviours, concentrations, inhibitions, learning abilities
and overall general health issues due to the community comments on www.debate.org/opinions/should-soda-be-sold-at-schools.
For instance, it makes us aggressive, stimulant and disruptive; as well as it could
distract student from concentrate on what they are doing. First, I confidently believe
that soft drinks shouldn"t be sold at schools, because soft drinks are causing troubles
on our behaviours, concentrations, learning abilities, inhibitions and overall general
health issues caused by the ingredients of sugars, carbon dioxide, artificial sweeteners,
acids, sodium, artificial flavourings & colours and preservatives in each can or bottle
of soft drink. Also, due to scientific researches showing on http://www.rethinksugarydrink.org.au...,
it stated if a student drinks one can of 600ml of regular soft drink every day for
a year this equals to 23kg of sugar and 6.75kg of fats, or one can of 250ml of energy
drink equals to 24g of sugar and a 1600ml bottle of regular soft drink equals to 64g
of sugar. It also stated that In the end, I strongly suggest schools should brought
buy fresh fruits for the caf" to sell as an energy booster, because the sugar in fruits
are natural and fruits give us heaps of vitamins and minerals, not fats. Also, bone
breaking causing by carbonate from soft drinks corroding bones in our body and made
bones loss of calcium & vitamin D; and tooth decay caused by sugar from the soft drinks
stuck in our tooth and grows bacteria in the plague, which gives us horrible yellow
tooth and smelling breath; are some examples that messed up our growth process. So,
I thought there is no use for schools to offer such expensive drinks, instead schools
should using the money on sporting equipment, library books, stationaries, camps,
excursions, uniforms and heaps more healthy choices for us. Overall, I absolutely believe that soft drinks shouldn"t be sold at schools, because
soft drinks gives us more harm than good and have no nutritional benefits; if you
need energy to boost you up, eats fruits, they are natural energy booster! FEEDBACK FROM MY TEACHER!!! Well Done! You have put in a lot of time
and effort to create a persuasive text with detailed evidence and explanations to
support your arguments. You have also used extensive technical vocabulary and precise
word groups that strengthens the credibility. Your introduction has clearly stated
your opinion and arguments to be discussed in the text. Please include a rhetorical
question at the beginning or in the title to further engage the reader. I really like
how you included a solution to help persuade the reader, for example selling health
food in the cafe as an energy booster. Great idea! Using connective words to link
your paragraphs will help the reader to understand and follow your arguments. For
example, Firstly (argument 1), Secondly (argument 2), and Thirdly (argument 3).